Wed., Feb. 8, 2006. 8:56 PM

Conan: My next guest has appeared in almost every Adam Sandler movie. Now he's starring in his own film, Grandma's Boy, which opens tomorrow. Please welcome: Allen Covert.

Conan: Good to see you again, how are you?

Covert: I'm doing all right.

Conan: This is an interesting story -- you're 41 years old, is that correct?

Covert: Yeah.

Conan: And this is your first starring role.

Covert: Well, yeah.

Conan: So it's been a --

Covert: --there was a play in highschool.

Conan: Right, there was a play in highschool. But now this is your first big starring role, so you've been waiting a while to make this move.

Covert: Well, yeah, I'm a very determined person. But I'm also very, very lazy.

Conan: Oh, you're lazy? Okay.

Covert: So it's always like "I should write a movie to star in -- but hey, Scooby Doo's on."

Conan: And then Spongebob, and then it gets rolling, and then it's over.

Covert: And then all of a sudden it's Nick at Nite. Then you're done.

Conan: "That movie's not happening today!?" Now, this movie is about a guy who lives with his grandmother.

Covert: Yeah, I actually have to move in. I get evicted from my apartment, and the only place I can find to live is with my grandmother and her two roommates.

Conan: Okay, now this... You actually wrote this from experience. You lived with your grandmother when you were in your thirties, is that right?

Covert: Well, for a brief period of time.

Conan: "Eight years, tops."

Covert: Yeah! No, my father had had surgery, and needed someone to help him out when he got out of the hospital. So I went down to help him in his very small condominium in Florida. And my 87 year old grandmother decided that she needed to be there as well. It was just weird. I was in my thirties and I was always sneaking in at night... with... how shall I say it? "Red eyes," I guess we'd say. (laughter from the audience) You know, I felt like I was in highschool, and I was trying to sneak in the house, and of course, inevitably, she'd wake up every single time. And she'd be like "Oh, are you hungry?" To which of course, I'd say: "STARVING!" And so at two in the morning, she'd whip up a three course meal, and I'd have to sit there and talk to her all night.

Conan: That could be a nice experience, I guess.

Covert: Right, but she'd ask crazy questions, though. She'd just sit there and stare at me, and then go: "Are you gay?" (laughter from the audience) I'm like: "What are you talking about? How do you even know about that? You're 87!" and she'd go: "I have the Sundance Channel."

Conan: That's how they learn about everything. Now, your character in the movie smokes a lot of pot. Is this based on--

Covert: --in the movie. It's a character I play.

Conan: Yeah, yeah.

Covert: No, I used to. Back in the day. Which was a long time ago, apparently. Then I stopped for a really long time. And then for some reason, a friend of mine convinced me one night to take a hit of pot. So I did, and then he left. And, all of a sudden, I'm sitting in my apartment alone, and I forgot about one huge thing: The Munchies. So I'm just sitting in my apartment, obsessing. Going: "Must. Get. Cookies. Need. Cookies."

Conan: You sound like Cookie Monster.

Covert: Oh, I was. So I go downstairs, I get in my car -- this is not safe, don't do this -- 7/11 was literally on the corner, but I wasn't going to walk. I was afraid. So I got in my car, and I drove it like, three miles an hour, and I pulled in the 7/11 parking lot -- now at the time, I lived in a really nice neighborhood, so the parking lot was full of prostitutes. And one of them leaned in my window and asked: "Do you want a date?" And I said: "I just want some cookies."

Conan: (laughing) It sounds so cool in that situation!

Covert: And then she reached in the car, and put her hand on my crotch, and said: "I think you should come with me, baby." And I just was like: "Why? Do you have cookies?"

Conan: "I just want cookies!" We're back to the dingus again! How did we get here? Now, uh, you of course, you've worked with Adam a lot. You were in the film Anger Management. And, I'm curious, Jack Nicholson in that movie -- you must have spent a lot of time with Jack Nicholson.

Covert: Yeah, that's crazy.

Conan: What's he like?

Covert: Literally, it was like, three months in -- and I'd been to his house, because we were working on the script at his house -- and three months in I would sit on the set and look at people and go "That's Jack Nicholson!" But, Nicholson -- I mean it's Jack Nicholson, c'mon -- he says things that only he, or a pathological liar would ever say. He's like: "I was at lunch with Fidel Castro, Stephen Hawking, and the Playmate of the Year. Surprisingly, Stephen brought the playmate." But with him, it's true.

Conan: Yeah, he's like a superhero. In this movie, I notice you're working with a monkey. Now, I've worked with monkeys --

Covert: -- first of all, it's a chimpanzee.

Conan: A chimpanzee, I'm sorry.

Covert: Monkeys have tails. Chimps are great apes.

Conan: Apologies to all you apes watching. Right now they're all "OOK OOK! AAH AHH!," throwing stuff at the screen. Here's a question: We've shot sketches here where we work with chimps and they can be sort of difficult sometimes. Did you like working with a chimpanzee?

Covert: Yeah, our guy was Harry. Harry the Chimp. He was cool. He had one rule. The trainer said: "Do not mention the word pizza, do not bring pizza near him, do not let him smell or see pizza." So we were like, "Okay. No pizza." But he was cool. He was like any other actor. He liked to improv. We were in the middle of a take one time, and he just reached over and stuck his finger in my mouth. And, you know, it's a crazy comedy, so I just kept going, and at the end I laughed and said "I'll let a monkey stick his finger in my mouth!" And the trainer was like: "I wouldn't do that." Then I saw why later. There was a lot of this: (Covert rubs his crotch.)

Conan: Oh no! Not down there again! I've got to clean up this show somehow!

Covert: You started it!

Conan: Yeah, it's all my fault. Now, are you having problems with the movie studio, with this film?

Covert: Well, it's January. And, you know, I wanted the movie to come out in December for Oscar consideration.

Conan: Right. "The ape wanted it."

Covert: I would've been talking about the same thing as Paul [Giamatti], except in my case the chimp probably would have got the SAG award. But, the studio said they didn't want the movie to come out in December. They were afraid we'd be competing for the same audience as Brokeback Mountain.

Conan: Just wait, let that get out of the way, then go.

Covert: "You ain't goin' up there to fish."

[laughter]

Conan: We have a clip here, but before we go to it -- has your grandmother seen this movie?

Covert: No. I didn't even have a premiere, because I won't watch it in the same room as her. She's too tough of a critic. The last movie I was in, The Longest Yard, I asked her "What'd ya think?" and she said: "It was stupid." And I was like, "All right, well, what'd you think about me?" and she said: "You were the stupidest part!"

Conan: (laughing) "Are you gay?"

Covert: Yeah, "Why'd you look so gay?" She thought I was in Brokeback Mountain. She goes: "Is that your life story?"

Conan: "Take it easy, grandma." Okay, well, we have a clip. Is there anything we need to know for this?

Covert: This is the first night I move in to the house, and I meet my grandmother's two roommates. Shirley Jones and Shirley Knight. And Doris Roberts is my grandmother.

Conan: Cool, let's take a look at this clip. [It's the "My Grandson's Gay, Too, I'll Give You His Number" scene.]

Conan: She's good. Is she cool?

Covert: Oh yeah. She's great.

Conan: Allen, thanks so much for being here, good to see you.

Covert: Thanks.



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